Shaman Hammer

Friends, this post is long overdue! Jackhammer must thank his good friends in the Fredericksburg area for their gracious hospitality over the Memorial Day weekend.   As most of you already know, Jackhammer and some of his North Carolina buddies routinely participate in the annual Rolling Thunder Memorial Day Ride in Washington, D.C. to honor our mil itary veterans.   As usual, Jackhammer & Co. were camping in the Prince William National Forest as they awaited the parade.   However, this year would turn out to be extra special. Jackhammer led his entourage 30 minutes into Fredericksburg to be treated to a barbeque feast, hosted by (callsigns) Turd, Uncle Ben, and Tommygun.   Even though two of these dudes are DC cops working the night shift, they still arose at 6:00 AM to fire up the smoker and get the meat cooking.   We had barbeque brisket, chicken, and sausage with all the trimmings!   It was fucking awesome! Best of all, the cookout gave ...

  Friends, Jackhammer crunches numbers for a living... part of my job is being a Statistical Analysis System (SAS) programmer.   I have done my homework before writing this blog, and after careful analysis, it turns out that my opinions are correct 99.7% of the time.   The bad news is that, by extension, I am wrong 0.3% of the time.   This was the case with my September 30 (2012) post endorsing Barack Hussein Obama.   By the way, has it ever been an insult to any previous president to call him by his full name?   My shame is greater than you can possibly imagine, for there is no doubt in my mind that my blog delivered North Carolina's 15 electoral votes to this communist motherfucker.   Yes, Obama would have won the election anyway... Obama secured approximately 100% of the black vote, 100% of the Mexican vote, 100% of the gay vote, 100% of the atheist vote, 100% of the liberal vote, as well as anyone else who blames The System for their lack of ...

a Friends, the republican party is in real trouble these days... real trouble.   The percentage of white voters has fallen below 50%, as has the white birth rate.   Most babies being born in America's hospitals are minorities, and that trend continues to steepen.   White parents are opting to have fewer children, or not have children at all... and those who do chose to conceive are waiting longer and longer.   The percentage of Americans who self-identify as Christian is at an all-time low, as the percentage of atheists is growing steadily.   In short, the conservative base is drowning, and it looks like we're going down for the last time. It has become apparent to the republican leadership that the party will not survive without the support of at least one major minority group.   The consensus is that our best hope lies in the rapidly growing Hispanic population, as they are predominately Christian (Catholic), they denounce abortion, and virtually a...

“We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep.  They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids’ schools.  But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid’s school.  Our children are dozens of times more likely to be killed, and thousands of times more likely to be seriously injured, by school violence than by school fires, but the sheep’s only response to the possibility of violence is denial.  The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their children is just too hard, so they choose the path of denial. The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog.  He looks a lot like the wolf.  He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep...

  Southern man, better keep your head Don't forget what your good book said Southern change gonna come at last Now your crosses are burning fast… From Neil Young’s “Southern Man” Friends, it is with great shame that Jackhammer must admit that he was born a Yankee.   Yes, I was born on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, which most people – even the trolls who live in lower Michigan – do not consider part of the United States.   Nevertheless, it is what it is… Jackhammer had no control over where he was born, but he does have control over where he lives now.   As Shakespeare once wrote, “the world is broad and wide.”   With so many options available, should Jackhammer consider relocating to the Great Lakes area? The possibility of Jackhammer moving north was definitively nixed during my trip to Chicago last summer.   I spent an entire week basking on the shores of Lake Michigan… rediscovering the vicinity… becoming reacquainted with Northern cu...

Mama, take this badge off of me I can't use it anymore. It's gettin' dark, too dark to see I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door. From Bob Dylan's "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" Much has been written about the Thin Blue Line ... the imaginary line of police protection that keeps ordinary citizens as safe as possible from the thugs, murders, rapists, and criminal elements that will always comprise a percentage of our population.   Nevertheless, Jackhammer feels compelled to weigh in on this issue. Jackhammer has numerous friends in various branches of law enforcement... it would take me a while to count them all.   Why is this?   Jackhammer is an honorary member of the Sheriff's Department, and has been given a badge to that effect... but Jackhammer is careful not to present himself as a sworn officer.   My duties are regulated to "assistance and support," which means I carry illuminated traffic wands and a reflectiv...

Friends, I'm sorry you've been hungering for my blogs for such a long time.   Jackhammer has been very busy, but will attempt to post as much as possible before the summer classes begin in three weeks.   Word.     Many of you have emailed to inquire about my opinion of the new Pope, and even more of you aggressively campaigned for me to be named the new head of the Catholic Church.   I hate to break it to you guys... yes, I was born Catholic, but have never been active in the organization.   The Pope is chosen from the College of Cardinals, of which I am not a member.   I doubt the Vatican leadership even read your well-intentioned letters...   Nevertheless, I refrained from commentary thus far because it has taken me some time to sort out my feelings on this issue.   I was not prepared for Pope Benedict XVI to resign, confessing that he was no longer up to the task.   Plus, I was absolutely nauseated by the liberal media, ...

We all know that Jackhammer is into preventive maintenance in a big way... I think it is important to take care of your shit.  However, I have found one important aspect of automobile maintenance that had escaped my attention -- the cabin air filter. I change the engine air filters in my vehicles every six months, regardless of their appearance... but did you know the interior ventilation system uses air filters as well?  The photo above shows how nasty the cabin air filters can get if you don't bother to change them for a few years.  As an added bonus, I was also able to remove a plastic grocery bag that had somehow managed to get sucked into the interior ventilation system. I'm a big do-it-yourselfer.  The Honda dealer charges 1.5 hours of labor, or about $125.00, to change the cabin air filters on a CRV.  Jackhammer found a YouTube video showing how easy it is to change it yourself in about 30 minutes.  Total cost?  About $13.00.  ...

Don’t get too excited – this is just a short post. Here I must pause to address a few concerns that Jackhammer is a little bit too Butch . Trust me, being macho is unintentional… I do like to do rugged, manly things like riding motorcycles, shooting guns, brewing beer… you get the idea. But did you know that Jackhammer has a softer side? That Jackhammer also likes to make arts and crafts? Here I share but one example. I wish I could claim that I was creative enough to think up this idea by myself, but my close friends would not be fooled anyway so I might as well come clean. I got this idea when I saw a similar item hanging in a bar in Boca Grande a few years ago. But here’s how I made it: Whenever I guzzle bottles of beer with twist-off bottle caps, I save them. This is a fish I made out of plywood, spray paint, and some of my leftover bottle caps. I cut the fish out of plywood with my saber saw, and then used spray paint to color it silver. I wanted to give the fish “bottle ...

Yes, it's true! Jackhammer brews beer! This is Part 1 of a three-part series. Part 1 will discuss Brewing Day , Part 2 will discuss Bottling Day , and Part 3 will feature pictures of Jackhammer chugging the finished product with a beer bong until he has passed out on the lawn.   Let's start with the most important thing... make sure everything is absolutely clean.   I cannot stress the importance of this if you want good tasting beer.   This photograph is an old one... Jackhammer no longer uses soap to clean his gear because the residue affects carbonation.   Who knew?   Now Jackhammer only uses Oxy-Clean to scrub the hell out of everything, followed by a good soak in a food-grade sanitizer called Star San.   After making double-sure everything is sterilized, it is time to measure the water and start the boil.   For this recipe, Jackhammer has chosen a liquid malt extract (LME).   Boiling the LME turns the water into wort.   M...

Hello, old friends.   I know I haven’t posted in a long time… I’m sure some of you were wondering if you would ever hear from me again.   Now that I have re-emerged, I’m sure you didn’t expect me to be sporting this limited edition Obama t-shirt.   Yes, you are correct in noting that this particular t-shirt has a restricted distribution… it can only be obtained by making a substantial contribution to President Obama’s re-election campaign. I can take no more.   It is finally time for Jackhammer to come out of the closet. All of you know that I became a Ronald Reagan Republican in the 1980s, and I have remained affiliated with the Republican Party to honor Him and all He has done for our country.   Yet if He were alive today, the Great One would be branded a Republican in Name Only (RINO) and driven out of Washington without a second thought.   Reagan reached across the aisle and worked with the democrats… He compromised… He negotiated… and, when nec...

I ain’t a man of constant sorrow I ain’t seen trouble all day long We are only passengers on the Last Train to Glory That will soon be long, long gone. (From Arlo Guthrie's "Last Train to Glory") It is time for Jackhammer to go on record and straighten out anyone who claims evangelical Christians are not the victims of ridicule and discrimination. The best example that readily comes to mind is quarterback Tim Tebow, who treated the Denver Broncos to a six-game winning streak towards the end of the 2011 NFL season. There was much talk about this winning streak, which was publically dubbed “The Tebow Train.” Since being named Denver’s starting quarterback beginning with the team’s Week 7 game against Miami, Tebow compiled an 8-5 record, including the playoffs. Over and over, in six of those games, Tebow was able to orchestrate heroic game-winning drives in the fourth quarter and/or overtime… yet he continued to face constant criticism about his lack of abil...