Shaman Hammer

Jackhammer has held is tounge on this issue for long enough, and it is time to go on record. Everyone knows that I channel a lot of love and good advice in the direction of my followers, but I’m afraid this time I have a lot of finger shaking to do. First, I must shake my fingers at the 95% of the nation who rushed to judgment on this issue without knowing all the facts, including some of my closest friends. I shake my finger at the highly biased liberal media, who have done everything they can to misreport any aspects of this case that do not advance their self-righteous social agenda. I shake my finger at all the politicians who exploited this tragedy for political gain, including President Obama. I shake my finger at every blogger, editorial writer, and talk show host who has reiterated their own bizarre fantasy version of what really happened, regardless of the facts – and this includes both liberals and conservatives. Most of all, however, I shake my finger at Trayvon Marti...

I know this blog has countless fans, but Jackhammer did receive a complaint yesterday from someone he cares about. “I love your blog,” she said, “but you definitely overdo it with the zombie stuff.” Because this critic is near and dear to my heart, and because I am fully vested in the concepts of Truth and full disclosure, I decided that it is time for Jackhammer to come clean and reveal his dirty little secret. First, however, it must be noted that Jackhammer is not the only one investing countless hours preparing for zombie attacks. Did you know that active duty soldiers pass long hours in their barracks talking about what should be done if a zombie walks through the door? How they would react if there was a zombie outbreak on their camp or base? Did you know the U.S. Department of Defense (DOD) has developed plans detailing the military response to such an incident? That the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has published documents explaining how a zombie outbreak should b...