Shaman Hammer

It is time for me to comment on a topic that’s been in the news a lot lately. I’m talking about Four Loko , the strong malt beverage with 12% alcohol content – along with a hefty dose of caffeine. As shown in the picture from my own personal collection, Four Loko comes in a wide variety of fruit flavors including (but not limited to) fruit punch, grape, lemonade, orange, lemon-lime, watermelon, and blue raspberry. By way of background, www.urbandictionary.com explains that Four Loko got its name because the consumer typically passes through four stages of crazy: 1. Tipsy (loud, stumbling, laughing, etc.) 2. Drunk (stumbling around, slight slur, etc.) 3. Wasted (heavy slur, falling, hitting on fat chicks, etc.) 4. Black Out (no ability to speak, vomiting, memory loss, etc.) What is in this shit? A comprehensive review of recent media reports produced conflicting estimates. Some claim that a typical 24 ounce serving contains as much alcohol as 2-3 beers and one cup of coffee… other est...

My loyal followers will remember that I have touched upon this topic before. However, like star-crossed lovers, it seems that my destiny is intertwined with the Obama Chia Pet. I will confess that when I first saw the “Obama” line of Chia Pets I did think that they were the coolest thing EVER. But I refrained from owning one because I considered their existence disrespectful to the Office of the President… and some people have claimed that cultivating an herb garden on Obama’s head carries racist overtones. So, in short, I ultimately declined to purchase one. Imagine my surprise when my wife proudly presented me with an Obama Chia Pet just last week (she doesn’t read my blog and was unaware that I had already wrestled with this moral issue). She had spotted them in the drugstore, and knowing my deep affection for lowbrow humor she promptly bought one as a surprise gift for me. After 20 years of marriage, she even knew that I would prefer the “Determined Obama” version over the “Happy O...