Shaman Hammer

  Friends, Jackhammer crunches numbers for a living... part of my job is being a Statistical Analysis System (SAS) programmer.   I have done my homework before writing this blog, and after careful analysis, it turns out that my opinions are correct 99.7% of the time.   The bad news is that, by extension, I am wrong 0.3% of the time.   This was the case with my September 30 (2012) post endorsing Barack Hussein Obama.   By the way, has it ever been an insult to any previous president to call him by his full name?   My shame is greater than you can possibly imagine, for there is no doubt in my mind that my blog delivered North Carolina's 15 electoral votes to this communist motherfucker.   Yes, Obama would have won the election anyway... Obama secured approximately 100% of the black vote, 100% of the Mexican vote, 100% of the gay vote, 100% of the atheist vote, 100% of the liberal vote, as well as anyone else who blames The System for their lack of ...

a Friends, the republican party is in real trouble these days... real trouble.   The percentage of white voters has fallen below 50%, as has the white birth rate.   Most babies being born in America's hospitals are minorities, and that trend continues to steepen.   White parents are opting to have fewer children, or not have children at all... and those who do chose to conceive are waiting longer and longer.   The percentage of Americans who self-identify as Christian is at an all-time low, as the percentage of atheists is growing steadily.   In short, the conservative base is drowning, and it looks like we're going down for the last time. It has become apparent to the republican leadership that the party will not survive without the support of at least one major minority group.   The consensus is that our best hope lies in the rapidly growing Hispanic population, as they are predominately Christian (Catholic), they denounce abortion, and virtually a...

“We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep.  They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids’ schools.  But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid’s school.  Our children are dozens of times more likely to be killed, and thousands of times more likely to be seriously injured, by school violence than by school fires, but the sheep’s only response to the possibility of violence is denial.  The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their children is just too hard, so they choose the path of denial. The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog.  He looks a lot like the wolf.  He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep...

  Southern man, better keep your head Don't forget what your good book said Southern change gonna come at last Now your crosses are burning fast… From Neil Young’s “Southern Man” Friends, it is with great shame that Jackhammer must admit that he was born a Yankee.   Yes, I was born on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, which most people – even the trolls who live in lower Michigan – do not consider part of the United States.   Nevertheless, it is what it is… Jackhammer had no control over where he was born, but he does have control over where he lives now.   As Shakespeare once wrote, “the world is broad and wide.”   With so many options available, should Jackhammer consider relocating to the Great Lakes area? The possibility of Jackhammer moving north was definitively nixed during my trip to Chicago last summer.   I spent an entire week basking on the shores of Lake Michigan… rediscovering the vicinity… becoming reacquainted with Northern cu...

Mama, take this badge off of me I can't use it anymore. It's gettin' dark, too dark to see I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door. From Bob Dylan's "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" Much has been written about the Thin Blue Line ... the imaginary line of police protection that keeps ordinary citizens as safe as possible from the thugs, murders, rapists, and criminal elements that will always comprise a percentage of our population.   Nevertheless, Jackhammer feels compelled to weigh in on this issue. Jackhammer has numerous friends in various branches of law enforcement... it would take me a while to count them all.   Why is this?   Jackhammer is an honorary member of the Sheriff's Department, and has been given a badge to that effect... but Jackhammer is careful not to present himself as a sworn officer.   My duties are regulated to "assistance and support," which means I carry illuminated traffic wands and a reflectiv...

Friends, I'm sorry you've been hungering for my blogs for such a long time.   Jackhammer has been very busy, but will attempt to post as much as possible before the summer classes begin in three weeks.   Word.     Many of you have emailed to inquire about my opinion of the new Pope, and even more of you aggressively campaigned for me to be named the new head of the Catholic Church.   I hate to break it to you guys... yes, I was born Catholic, but have never been active in the organization.   The Pope is chosen from the College of Cardinals, of which I am not a member.   I doubt the Vatican leadership even read your well-intentioned letters...   Nevertheless, I refrained from commentary thus far because it has taken me some time to sort out my feelings on this issue.   I was not prepared for Pope Benedict XVI to resign, confessing that he was no longer up to the task.   Plus, I was absolutely nauseated by the liberal media, ...